Entanglements in family systems

Entanglements can express in physical or psychological symptoms as they impede the flow of life force. They may also express in difficulties in family- or partner relationships, from which those involved often cannot find a way out.

An entanglement is an unconscious identification with an earlier born family member, through which you relive their fate, situation and feelings. Unknowingly you take their place. Such identification originates very early in life. A small child unconsciously senses an unbalance in the family system and the identification partly restores it, albeit at the cost of the child. The identification may serve, amongst others, the following purposes:

•	The child thus unconsciously gives recognition to an earlier family member who has somehow been excluded and forgotten. It may be an abortion or stillbirth that has not been grieved about, or a mentally ill person who has been put away and forgotten, a former lover who has been denied, an illegitimate father whose existence was kept secret, or an illegitimate child that has not been acknowledged, etc.
•	The child assumes the responsibility of the person being impersonated, for instance, when one of the parents is not really available as parent or partner, the child may take over that role.
•	The child assumes the burden of the earlier family member, for example, when that person has been violated or abused, and the perpetrator did not take responsibility.
•	The child takes over the guilt of the one in whose place he or she stands. For example, when an earlier family member committed a serious crime and did not assume responsibility.

The list of grave family events shows the most important causes of entanglements. Those causes can be summarized as follows:

•	Someone did not take responsibility for grave acts.
•	Someone was excluded or denied. (Everyone has the right to belong).
•	Someone took too much. (The balance of giving and receiving was disturbed).
•	Someone takes the role of his or her parent (The generational order is disrupted).

The list with examples of issues shows some of the possible consequences of entanglements. The common thread of these consequences is that the life force of the child is bound in an entanglement and therefore not available in the present.